10 months ago

James would have been 10 months old yesterday.  I miss him so much.  I literally woke up crying yesterday.  I just want my baby back.

I know a ton of people who had babies within 2 weeks on either side of James's birthdate.  I can't bear to look at any of their pictures.  I can't even fathom James doing the things that their children are doing now.  Some are talking.  Some are walking.  Some are eating real solid food.

I really just want my baby back.  I started classes last night, and all I could think about was that I wanted to be home with my sweet boy instead of sitting in that lecture hall.  I really wish I could change the past.

The last 2 weeks I have barely been able to stop crying.  I guess it's finally hitting me now.  For some reason, it seems that it is all getting harder and harder instead of easier.  Maybe because the phone calls are less, the cards are fewer and the house is achingly quiet these days.  I miss James.  I miss him so much.  I guess nothing is ever going to change that or take that away.

I guess this is what the new "normal" is.